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 “No Guts No Gain”

Wednesday, July 12th – Sign up and Join Jim Stephens live for an upcoming training!

Sandler Trainers:  Justin Stephens& Jim Stephens

Behind the Business: Keith York

Entrepreneur Radio: Heath Van Patten



There are two sides you need to master in order to engage a new technique.

No guts no gain is about learning to be more assertive, not more aggressive.

People hold back and hope conflict gets better. But, conflict isn’t like wine. It doesn’t better with age. The faster you can resolve and approach the issue the less serious it will be in the long-term.

In our mind we have imprinted an image of what we think or who we think being assertive is. How do we see a difference between aggressive and assertive actions?

If you think about your feelings when someone’s trying to get you to do something

We can feel like they’re saying: “You need to do this” (Aggressive)
We can feel like they’re asking us a tough question that points us to what we know (Assertive)
Assertive people tend to help others uncover, but aggressive people find themselves more frequently.

The foundation we’re seeking to lay in this training are the fundamental building blocks for success. Such as learning how to fail, often we avoid failure because it doesn’t feel good, but if we’re not failing we’re not growing and if we stop failing we’ve stymied the ability to grow in our role.

We also seek to help uncover the argument for risk—understanding both opportunity and drawbacks—the ability to take predictive risks and helpful risks requires the ability to make a decision. Some people have difficulty deciding or being effective in their decision-making process.

Procrastination can also be issue. It can leave you stuck in one place and it is rooted in fear of failure. Build a list of two or three things that you aren’t taking action doing—now look at that list and gauge the assessment on why you aren’t doing it?

If you hit snooze in the morning you create a habit that says it is okay to procrastinate. You reinforce that behavior pattern. So if you don’t address the little issues it will be very hard to address the big issues. Being aware of the drama games, building a support group, and having a group of people that want to be there will be pivotal to success.

We need to be able to tap into the resources that have gotten where we want to go. We need to make support groups that reinforce our success.

The counter of this would be the habit of tolerating mediocrity. If you accept the excuses of your employees and peers then you lower the standard of acceptable and the way that we gauge success.

What are some of the roadblocks keeping me from success? Time is often the biggest roadblock that managers, owners, and people in general say. It’s not the issue: the issue is priorities. If you are clear on your priorities then you will be great at managing your time.

A roadblock can be being resigned to where you are: there’s a resignation that starts a cycle that leads to low self-esteem. These issues can start from something very small and lead to a downward slope with no clear return that complicates your overall experience in life.

Confidence issues lead to unproductive presentations or over emphasized need for approval or fear of rejection. The nice-guy muddle leads individuals to be so concerned about how others perceive that you will go out of your way to get their approval and that desire for their approval leads to attempts at justifying what you do.

But, if you start trying to please everbody, you’ll leave behind and forget pleasing yourself. One of our Sandler rules is: Your opinion of me is none of my business. The nice-guy muddle leads you to saying yes when you should no. If you don’t have boundaries are set, other people will make those boundaries for you. The yes leads to a snowball of questions, someone pushing and pushing, when they’ve recognized that you’re naturally an enabler and a rescuer. Part of the reason of this trap is you haven’t given yourself permission to say no.

The fear of rejection leads some individuals to agree to things that they shouldn’t agree to because they’re focused on not rejecting other people more so than their own needs and desires.

It’s important to recognize when you are whining and stop it. If there’s some ifs, ands, or buts, living in your life you’re living in the past and that past is going to drag you to the bottom of the ocean. Stop it. You may not have enough time to get back from being dragged down. Being assertive can help you stop digging that whole, stop procrastinating, and stop letting people taking advantage of you. We’ll engage in the process of uncovering the anatomy of a failure during the No Guts No Gain training event to help uncover frustrations from the past and enable individuals who participate to engage in future and present development.

Powerplays and manipulative games are toxic and there are so many that we get used to them. In order to be gutsy and assertive we need to understand what psychological games are going on. If you don’t know what the game is, you won’t be able to neutralize it.

In order to have a healthy, adult-to-adult relationship, you’ve got to establish an explicitly stated concept that is accepted on both sides of the equation to prevent any mutual mystification.

We need to level the playing field that requires a healthy concept on the part of both people. We need to both be okay, equal in the engagement, not I’m better or worse than you in a relationship. When we get to an adult-to-adult relationship we need to be cognizant of how we interact because some people create unlevel playing fields by treating others like children.

You need to understand the nature of risking. Every relationship requires risk. We need to be willing to accept the risk or choose not to engage with the relationship. Failure is part of the growing process and you’ll never grow if you’re too afraid of the outcome or what the other person might say.

Understand your right to say no. Agree to disagree. Decide that if it’s not going to be a good fit then it’s okay to walk away. Assertive people nurture and deliver them message while removing the power plays that could potentially occur. Aggressive people burn bridges in hopes of getting their way through sheer force.

Kartman’s drama triangle is part of the whole engagement. The persecutor can be just a boss trying to hold someone accountable, but if someone hears something from the position of a victim, then the communication comes out of the wrong mode when the pursuit was not to cause an issue, but rather to ensure follow-through and accountability. Drama exists to avoid responsibility.

We work on getting out of drama by recognizing that we’ve got to change roles. Instead of rescuing people we need to coach people through their own power to change the outcome of the experience. Asking coaching questions can help facilitate discovery.

The persecutor has to become the challenger. Rather than being aggressive, you should be assertive. The victim becomes the creator. What change can happen? What should that look like? How can we make that happen? The victim takes ownership and says, “I’ve created this mess. How do I get myself out of it?”

We’ll end the event with an experience called getting tough, introducing the new you. Interested in meeting your own version of the new you? Follow this link to sign up for this event.

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