What Are You Doing To Hold Yourself Back?

Have you ever been in a confrontational situation good or bad and been unable to say anything? Sadly, this happens to me often. So many thoughts are swirling around in my mind and the words don’t know how to make it out of my mouth. Anyone who knows me knows that I am never at a loss for words so what I often do is turn this awkward situation into a joking matter so I don’t have to face the real issue. Or worst I just keep quiet and let it happen to me. It is frustrating to say the least and for the longest time I didn’t understand why I did it.

This is my own personal example of a self-limiting belief. My thought is that as a female it is not okay to be dominant. Why? My conscious mind tells me that it is dumb and just say what I think. However, my subconscious mind often is in the driver’s seat.

Here is how my subconscious mind was trained: if I’m dominant or perceived as such I will be considered a witch. The last thing I want is people to not think that I am a kind, generous person. So obviously to be a kind and generous woman I must avoid speaking my mind, avoid conflict and defuse any confrontation that may come before me. But why? Where did I learn this limitation and why is conflict bad if you are female?

The biggest problem with self-limiting beliefs is that you continue to make them true in your life. Your actions lead to situations that make it more and more real. This is also called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Here is how it works: first you start with your limiting belief such as confrontations make me look like a witch then your beliefs kick in that women should be kind and generous. This is followed by judgments from yourself and others. An example of this would be my perception of a look someone gave me that I saw as judgmental whether it was or was not. Lastly these limitations that lead to beliefs and judgments cause my actions to be that I remain quiet or defuse the situation. Sadly, this is a circle without an end until the circle is broken.

Breaking the circle will require strength. The kind of mental toughness that is not easy and often avoided. Some things that I personally do to get rid of this self-limiting belief is to replace it with a positive affirmation. What that sounds like is I am a strong tactful woman who can speak her mind in situations where it is required. When put in the confrontational situation I carefully choose my words and think about what I want to say then force myself to say what is on my mind. Surprisingly what happens is a new self-fulfilling prophecy gets built and slowly the old circle breaks away.

As a woman society tells us who we should be but it is our job to fight back against the norm and be who we want to be. Deliberately choose to push yourself forward to better, stronger and more successful places. It will require you to think differently and to be out of your comfort zone however is the change worth it? To me being able to have my own voice in a confrontation is worth it.